It’s New Year’s resolutions time. How do you feel about it?
Sticking to a list of things for an entire year is a challenge for anyone, but for us it can be especially hard.
The odds are stacked against us from the start, and here’s a bunch of reasons why:
1. Difficulty with executive function is an obstacle to :
· Sticking to routines
· Achieving goals by planning ahead
· Exercising self-control
· Maintaining and regaining focus (especially when we’ve been interrupted or distracted)
2. Novelty – We love a shiny new thing
We can hyper-focus on the latest thing that will ‘fix us forever’ for a bit (How long was your longest streak?). But then we run out of oomph as the novelty wears off and Dopamine reserves recede. Goals take time to achieve, and we are not patient people. So this big bang approach is great for starting, but not for maintenance
For many years I thought I had better just not make any more resolutions. The crushing disappointment that kept following them was too much. Comparing myself to people with different needs and abilities made it worse and had a very demotivating outcome.
Instead, here are some options that I’ve gathered from research and personal experience since then:
1.Taking small steps: breaking up your primary objective into a series of small, achievable goals
2.Taking note of your success: no matter how big and small, it really matters that we recognise them. Looking back at achievement is much more motivating than looking at how much is still to be done.
3. Checking actions support the ultimate goal. Asking ourselves whether the course of action we’re taking is useful for the big picture goal we’re working on. It helps decision making to be more conscious and purposeful.
4. Rewards: Let’s build our own regular boost of dopamine by rewarding every little action. Of course little treats are rewards, but only if they actually further the cause we’re working on. Positive self-talk on the other hand, gives that dopamine boost and grows your self-compassion in teeny tiny steps. Perhaps another of those things you’ve been promising yourself?
5. Action instead of restrictions: Focussing on what we’re not ‘allowed’ drives a punitive way of thinking and brings on anxiety and stress (adrenaline and cortisol). And it’s more likely to drive cravings for the thing we’re trying to reduce! Focussing our energy and attention on actions that serve the goal is a much more productive use of our time. The more we do that, the less time and energy we spend on the alternative.
6. Find the greys: Black and white thinking can drive us to focus on failure and bring on frustration and a bit of demand avoidance too. (How often do you find yourself stridently telling yourself that your latest little lapse is a sign that this goal isn’t for you after all? Being kinder about falling back into old habits is actually a lot more helpful. Those old habits are there because they felt useful for a long time. We’re building new neural pathways here. It takes time. So perhaps we can build in an 80/20 rule. A kind of, ‘I’m doing the right thing for me more than I’m doing the old unhelpful thing’, way to look at it.
7. Plan for the obstacles: ‘The obstacles are the path.’ There are always going to be difficulties in the way of our goals. If we stop because of them, we won’t ever achieve what we need. Taking proactive steps to deal with those obstacles, is part of getting to the goal. We can use past experiences to learn from. We might ask ourselves what went wrong last time I attempted this goal or a similar one? What did I learn from that? What could I do differently this time. How can I be more kind to myself when this obstacle rears up again?
8.Teamwork makes the dream work: Gather the people who want the same goal as you ; a loved one, a Facebook group—it can be literally anyone. The aim is to share your goals and provide both accountability and motivation. You may even make a few new friends along the way!
Being realistic about our strengths and weaknesses, while adding kindness to our efforts, is the best way to make any change. If you’d like more tips and educational content, you could follow my socials.
If you’re ready for change, I offer a FREE 30min call where we can find the best way forward for you, and find out if I’m the right therapist for you. You can contact me via connect@rewiretherapy.co.uk, or 07537 142908 to book an appointment.
If you haven’t yet, why not grab yourself a copy of my FREE Mindfulness Guide over on my website.
