No-one likes rejection.
We’ve all experienced it, we all dread it, and that’s only natural. Fear of rejection only turns into a problem when you notice it impacting your everyday life, including work and relationships. When fear of being rejected gets out of hand, you might start isolating yourself, avoiding social outings, and no longer asking for things that you may need within your relationships.
Fear of rejection is also a fast-track to people-pleasing. You want to be loved, you want to be funny and helpful, you want everyone to want to spend time with you, so you’re always the first one to rush to someone’s aid. Because how can anyone like you if you tell them ‘no’?
But ignoring your own needs is neither healthy nor sustainable. It also gives people who simply want to use you a free pass. It may sound harsh, but those are not your people.
So how do you get out of the anxiety spiral of fear of rejection?
First of all, accepting that rejection is okay. It’s part of life and doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Sometimes rejection happens because the timing is wrong, or simply because you aren’t the right fit for something—be it a relationship or a job. We can not be right for everything and everyone! And by realising this lack of fit early, you save yourself a lot of stress and heartache in the long run.
Another important thing to learn is to not let rejection define you. There are many, many reasons why a rejection happens, and sometimes none of them have to do with you as a person. Think of all the times in your life you have said (or wanted to say) ‘no’, and why. Not feeling like going out sometimes and staying in with a book doesn’t mean you don’t love your friends and family.
In line with this, it’s important to learn to let go of your guilt and build confidence. Learning to put yourself first and practise self-care. Surrounding yourself with people you love and who love you. If possible, talk to them about your fear and insecurities, and they may be happy to reassure you.
It can be hurtful if you ask someone out and they say no. But that doesn’t mean you should never ask anyone out again. No one who has ever achieved anything in the history of ever hasn’t faced a little rejection along the way. So finding a way to deal with it is important if you want to build emotional resilience and face up to the challenges of life.
Obviously, this is much easier said than done. And if you feel like your fear of rejection is so bad that it’s getting in the way all the time, then you might find it helpful to talk to a therapist. They can help you figure out where the fear is coming from, and teach you valuable techniques to help you cope with it day-to-day.
If you would like to explore this path, or you’re unsure of where to start, I offer a FREE 30min chat to look at where fear of rejection shows up the most for you and to allow you to figure out if I’m the right therapist for you.
Contact me via:
07537 142908
